Family Matters Newsletter - November 2008

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Children Living with Grandparents – Staying Connected to the Familiar

By: Jacque Miller, Colorado State University Extension, Family & Consumer Sciences, Larimer County

Grandparents are more involved in “kinship care” than ever before.

Kinship care refers to care provided for children by relatives other than parents, generally grandparents. This care may be a child-care or “baby-sitting” situation or a more permanent basis in the case of divorce or other legal situations.

When others fill a parental role, the lines of family authority tend to become confused in the child’s mind. Parents and grandparents need to work together for the child. The following suggestions can help make positive transitions when children change locations from parents’ to grandparents’ home.

Try to keep the child’s life as consistent as possible. Maintain similar routines, such as bedtime and nap schedules, mealtime and bathing routines. Follow similar menus and offer children the same types of foods in both locations. Use comforting, familiar things that can be carried from one place to another, such as teddy bears, blankets, toys or special photos. Use the same language, nickname and familiar words. Play similar games.

Help the children keep their relationship with their brothers and sisters. Siblings provide an important sense of stability and support for any child. Brothers and sisters can talk about their troubles and relate to each other. Help children maintain friendships with their friends and playmates.

Make plans with the children so they have a sense that things will be okay. Explore places the children are interested in. Take a trip or visit a special friend. Let them know they have some control over their future.

Create a “life book” for the child. Making a life book helps the child remember what he or she has done. The book can contain pictures of loved ones - parents, siblings, grandparents, pets, and brief stories about the child – birth and childhood, mementos of past and present events, record of visits with parents and a record of special family events.

Children living with their grandparents may face many changes. Some changes are very difficult, such as when they must move away from one home to another. Other changes are easier, but are still important to the child, such as returning from a visit with a parent. Having a routine and knowing what to expect are very important for a young child. Any change can be difficult for a child. Sometimes children react negatively before, during or after a visit. While many things can cause negative behaviors, the changes involved in making a transition are often the reason.

Good practices for parent-child contact include making visits part of the child’s routines. Be sure to plan the visit in advance. Make certain each person (grandparent, parent or other significant adult) follows through with his or her promises about visiting.

Communication needs to be open, honest and clear. It is important for the grandparent to be clear about expectations for visits with their adult child. When plans change, children need to be told why in a way they can understand. Children may be upset by the change, even when they understand the reason. Children need to express how they feel if a parent does not show up as planned or the visit does not go well. Do not say hurtful things about the parent. Criticizing the parent does not help the child. If you need to vent, talk with a supportive adult when the child is not around.

For some children parental visits never happen. In some cases, laws determine whether parents can visit and what restrictions must be in place for the visits. Parents may not be able to visit at all if they have abused the child or are in prison. Being honest with children is usually best, but what you tell them depends on their age. Young children cannot understand complicated issues. Tell them only what they need to know. Children can be told that their parent is in jail, but they do not need to know the full details.

When face-to-face contact is not possible, there are positive ways to help children stay in touch. Depending on the child’s age and developmental level and the family circumstances, a child can rely on phone calls, letters, email, pictures, videos and even drawings.

In some cases, staying in contact is not appropriate. Let children know why they cannot see or talk to the parent. Help them deal with their feelings, and know that children feel grief when they lose contact with a parent. If your grandchild is having difficulty dealing with the loss of contact, professional counseling may help them learn how to adjust.

Although it may seem like a lot of trouble, maintaining the connection between your grandchildren and their parents is important. Encourage parent-child visits whenever they are appropriate and work with the parent. If a parent cannot visit, help them understand why. Help them adjust to this change in their lives by being there, listening to feelings and letting them know you love them.

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Active Kids - Staying connected

Physical Activity is not only fun and engaging. It is something that can be done with the entire family, including grandparents! Taking a walk to the park is a great way to spend quality time with loved ones. What could make a grandparent happier than seeing his/her grandchildren run and play?

Taking an active part in your grandchildren’s physical activity is a great way to stay connected. You can find out more about school, friends and even their favorite sports team. Not only is it a way to maintain close relationships, it is also a great way to get out of the house and stay healthy.

Next time you have time with grandchildren, grab your walking shoes and a ball. Head to the park. Spending time with grandchildren is very rewarding and healthy.

Information Provided by America On the Move. Visit: www.americaonthemove.org.

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Healthy Kids - Holiday Food and Health

Holidays – “sugar and spice and everything nice”. Controlling children's sugar intake can be difficult, especially over the holidays. Natural sugars are found in foods such as milk and fruit. Children often enjoy the taste of these naturally sweet foods. They can contain substantial amounts of important vitamins and other nutrients. Refined sugars, however, are added to enhance the flavor of many foods, including traditional holiday snacks, candies, desserts and drinks. Many of these foods do not provide nutritional value and over-consuming them leaves little room for healthier food choices.

It is difficult to estimate the actual amount of sugar in most foods. The following tips can help you identify and limit the refined sugar in your child's diet. Offer more whole fruit, vegetables and low-fat milk products each day. This leaves less space for non-nutritious sugary treats.

Teach older children to check the amount of sugar on the Nutrition Facts panels. For a learning activity, divide the total grams of sugar shown on the panel by four to find the number of teaspoons of sugar in a serving. Use this information to help make wiser choices while food shopping.

Check to see if sugar is one of the first ingredients listed on foods. There are many types of added sugar, including sucrose, corn syrup, fructose, dextrose, glucose, molasses and malt syrup.

Limit the number of holiday treats to only one a day. Include sugar-free or lower-calorie alternatives

Source: University of Nevada Cooperative Extension .Holiday Food and Health Tip #7: Control children's sugar intake. J Dibble, RD. December 2007.

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