Family Matters Newsletter - August 2008

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Expressing feelings

By: Ann Bruce, Colorado State University Extension - Specialist, Child Development/Parenting

Many young children do not know how to talk about feelings. It is a parent's job to help their children understand their feelings, name them and help them find out why the child is having those feelings.

Naming, understanding and expressing emotions is one of the most important skills for children to learn. Children need to be taught how to express and name their feelings since this is not a skill they are born with. Just like sharing and playing with others, parents need to guide their children in what to do. Children who can successfully name and express their feelings tend to get along well with others. The ability to make friends and to get along well with others are skills, which can help children, gain confidence, communicate their needs and feel good about themselves.

Parents can help children learn to express their feelings by modeling their own feelings in words. As you play with your child talk about your feelings. "Mommy is happy that the snow has stopped." "Michael feels lonely when you leave him out of your game." As children hear the feeling words repeatedly, they learn to name their own emotions. For young children, begin with a basic vocabulary of feeling words such as happy, sad, mad and excited. As your child gets older, work to help them build this vocabulary.

In order for children to feel good about sharing their feelings, it is important to provide a safe place for them to express themselves. Try to accept the feelings your child expresses and understand that not everyone feels the same way about different experiences. For example, you may feel curious about seeing a spider in the grass but your child may feel afraid. It is important to label the emotion your child is feeling in a nonjudgmental way so that he can feel understood and accepted.

Sometimes, children are not sure how they feel or why. At times like this, it is important to say something describing how they might be feeling. Look at their body language, their facial expressions or listen to the tone of their voice. For example, "You look worried. What happened?" Another example might be to say, "Stacey, you are really having trouble with the puzzle. You look frustrated."

Ideas for Teaching Feeling Words
Reading Books: When reading aloud to your child, talk about the emotions that are pictured in the books. Ask questions about how a character in a book might be feeling. "Diego has lost his new kitten. How do you think he feels?" Conversations like this help children understand that other children can feel sad or get angry.

Every Day Tasks: Talk about your everyday emotions as you work in the house, in the garden or go to the grocery store. The more your child hears feeling words, the more likely he will feel comfortable using them. When working in the kitchen, talk about feeling confused about a new recipe or delighted when your son helps to put away groceries.

Activities to Try at Home

  1. Acting a Story - Children love acting out stories and songs. Encourage your child to use song, dance and movement to re-tell their favorite story book and any emotions that are expressed in the story. This also helps children in the skills of sequencing, imitating, expressing feelings and practicing balance and coordination.
     
  2. Feelings Song - Once your child has a variety of feeling words, you can use a favorite song to teach them more words in a fun way. Add to the song "If you're happy and you know it". Take turns singing and add gestures and movement to each verse:
    If you're happy and you know it, give a smile.
    If you're sad and you know it, make a frown.
    If you're tired and you know it, shut your eyes.
    If you're angry and you know it, say "I'm mad".

     
  3. Identify emotions by looking at pictures - While waiting at the doctor's office, dental office or looking through picture albums, point to facial expressions and take turns guessing different emotions that are shown. For example, "Look at this picture of the little girl and her friends at the park. She looks sad. I wonder why she looks sad now." Take turns guessing what might be happening at the park that would make her look sad.

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Healthy Kids - Be a role model

The best way for your to encourage healthy eating is to eat well yourself. Kids will follow the lead of the adults they see every day. By eating fruits and vegetables and not overindulging in the less nutritious foods, you will be sending the right message.

Another way you can be a good role model is by limiting portions and not overeating. Talk about your feelings of fullness, especially with younger children. You might say, "This is delicious, but I'm full, so I'm going to stop eating." At this same time, parents who are always dieting or complaining about their bodies may foster the same negative feelings in children. Try to keep a positive approach when it comes to food.

Adapted from: Kids Health. Healthy Eating. www.kidshealth.org. November, 2007.

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Active Kids - Walkie - Talkie

Family walks are a good time to bring up any family issues that involve the kids. Walking helps clear your mind and is a good way to brainstorm ideas. So get outside and take your problems for a walk while getting exercise. Set a healthy lifestyle habit for the kids.

Children often have a hard time expressing their emotions. Plan time to talk with children about their emotional issues on a regular basis. One suggestion is to make this a walk-and-talk activity even if you are only walking a around the block. Walking makes conversation a little easier because the physical activity releases tension. Kids can express themselves without making eye contact as they walk beside you. This can be especially important if the subject is embarrassing or uncomfortable for them.

Set an example of using physical activity to help ease stressful emotional situations. This will be beneficial to your kids throughout their lives. It may help them avoid the emotionally based overeating that is often the common response to stress.

Information provided by America On the Move. Visit: www.americaonthemove.org.

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Safe Kids - Always stay with your child

Children do not have life experience to foresee danger. They may not have body skills or strength to move away from trouble. When kids play, they may not notice when they are cold, wet, overheated or in possible danger either. By supervising, you also have the fun of playing together - and you stay active too!

Nibbles for Health 37. Nutrition Newsletters for Parents of Young Children, USDA, Food and Nutrition Service.

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