Children and Lying Behavior
Children exaggerate, twist the truth, hide the facts, manufacture stories and deny the obvious. They do not need instruction or encouragement to lie, typically the behavior is a normal part of their development. How lying should be handled often depends on the age of the child, the specific situation and the established family rules about lying.
Reasons to lie
Pre-school children are unclear on the difference between fantasy and reality. Their lies are the result of wanting something, avoiding something or their confusion between fantasy/reality. Since they do not yet know that it is wrong, or not real, this is not a time for consequences they may fear. Listen to the wild tale, leave it alone (wait for a time to praise the truth) or interject some reality into their stories. Saying, "You wish you could ride that fast on a pony, don't you?" or "You would like to be fast" is a way to show trust while telling what is true.
Older elementary school-age children know the difference between truth and lies. They realize that adults do not approve of telling lies. Children 6 to 7 years of age still enjoy living with fantasy.
To obtain an understanding of how to respond to a child's lying, try to identify the reasons for lying. Children may lie to:
- Impress others.
- Avoid embarrassment or shame.
- Boost their self-esteem.
- Protect others.
- Protect their privacy or help them feel psychologically separate.
- Cover up another misbehavior.
- Hide or misrepresent an unpleasant truth.
- Mimic behavior they have observed in adults (they hear adults lie).
- Continue a habit or cycle they have developed.
- Deal with demands of adults or friends.
- React to fear of consequences or punishment.
- Display other social problem behaviors.
How to deal with children's lying
- Combine kindness with directness. It will get you further than demanding confession, trapping, playing detective or a long lecture. Keep it simple and state the fact. Say, "The book on your desk is overdue," or "That doesn't sound like the truth to me." Children in time can learn to deal with unpleasant truths. They can learn to work with other people and solve problems with honesty, kindness and respect.
- Be prepared for unpleasant truths and how to help the child understand his feelings. Being understood is soothing for children. It helps them get past their angry feeling and on to solutions. Balancing honesty with kindness and avoiding deliberate deception is an art to be learned. Be a positive model for your child to see this in action.
- We may become upset when we discover a child is lying. We need to take some time to sort out our feelings. Do this to avoid over-reacting or making the fear even greater. Find a quiet space, breathe deeply and try to see the situation from the child's viewpoint. Remember, the behavior is bad, not the child.
- If you have set up consequences for misbehavior divide the offenses into one for the misdeed and one for lying about it. If they admit to something, tell them before their consequence that you appreciate their honesty. Be sure that the child was guilty of the misdeed.
- Punishment when caused by fear requires a soft message for impact. Be sure you are not expecting more from him or her than you should. Do not expect perfection. Never reaching expectations makes it difficult to have positive self-esteem.
- Do not be too severe or frequent in giving punishment. Children may lie to protect themselves from this punishment.
- A continual pattern of lying about important things or insistence even after the truth is discovered may deserve involvement with a professional.
- As the adult role model, always try to be as truthful as possible.
Allergy Proof Your Home From Top to Bottom
This year, spring cleaning isn't just a terrific way to add a shine to your home. If you take a few extra steps you can also scrub, wash and vacuum the irritants out of your house. Irritants can cause your family's allergies. Follow these steps and reduce the risk of allergy in your home.
Bedroom
Dust books, knick-knacks and toys. Move as many to the closet as possible. Use 100 percent cotton sheets, pillowcases, mattress pads and blankets-all should be free from chemical finishes, polyester and odor retardants. Special non-allergenic pillows also are available.
Living Room or Den
Clean out flower pots and plants, both real and artificial. These items are major sources of irritating mold and dust. Throw pillows should be cotton inside and out. Vacuum furniture and upholstery where possible.
Bathroom
Use mold-resistant paint to replace old, moldy wallpaper. Clean or replace shower curtains. Scrub the floor, bathtub, shower and in-between tiles with a mold-killing cleaning solution.
Kitchen
Remove all food from the refrigerator and clean the inside. Wherever possible, remove racks, clean by hand and rinse. Wipe rubber parts with vinegar to retard mold growth. Place an open box of baking soda in the fridge.
Basement
During damp months, use a dehumidifier. Throw out unnecessary items which will eventually collect molds. Store items in boxes on shelves, not on the floor.
Parents are in the best position to notice serious allergies in their children. Any sudden change, coughing spell or series of sneezes should alert parents to a potential allergy problem.
Veggies for Breakfast
Serve vegetables for breakfast to ensure your family is getting their serving allowances.
- Make vegetable-rich cream cheese by mixing low-fat cream cheese with raisins, carrots or zucchini. Spread on whole-wheat bagel or English muffin half.
- Prepare a vegetable omelet with chopped red or yellow peppers, spinach, tomatoes or cut-up broccoli florets.
- Try a sweet potato sprinkled with cinnamon and a little sugar for a different morning treat.
- Broccoli florets dipped in yogurt based dip-who says dips have to be a snack.
For more information on a variety of Consumer and family topics, contact your
local Colorado State University Extension office.
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