Sibling Rivalry is Natural in Sports
Children compete for their parents' attention and approval. Even when parents try to create an environment in which their kids feel secure enough not to compete, conflict between siblings is likely.
The family should be a safe place for children to learn how to express feelings of jealousy, anger and aggression without fear of rejection. With guidance from caring adults, children can learn to master those emotions and develop cooperation, self-control and respect for others.
The sports arena adds another dimension to sibling rivalry. The emotions and pressures kids feel in sports can intensify competitive juices.
"If you look at what's happening at home," says
Jane Kimidy, a clinical social worker and former basketball/soccer coach,
"sibling rivalry is going to play itself out on the playing field."
Head to Head
Situation:
Experts say conflict occurs more often in siblings of the same sex born fewer than three years apart. Obviously, when they are doing the same things, the opportunity for conflict rises.
What to do:
Don't compare. It's natural for kids to compare themselves, and comparison is easy in sports, where everyone is keeping score. As a parent, you need to focus on your child as an individual, not in relation to a sibling.
Emphasize the fun of playing. Playing sports can provide kids with years of enjoyment and healthy activity. When we get caught up in who won, who did well, who did less well, that's when the fun is over.
Don't give the "star" special
treatment. Keep competition out of the home, period.
One Outshines the Other
Situation:
When one child outshines the other, feelings tend to get hurt. When the star is younger and a girl, the pain can be overwhelming. But how does a parent weigh the hurt feelings of one child against the exciting opportunities for another?
What to do:
Don't sacrifice opportunities. "You have to be careful about withholding opportunities within the family dynamics," says Aynsley Smith, sports psychologist at Mayo Clinic, "especially if the child perceives it as an important opportunity." Make each child feel good about the talents he or she has.
Parents could suggest options that take
advantage of their child's strengths. Suggest the other sibling keep the stats for the team or become a sports reporter for the team-while the sibling that "shines" in the sport plays the game.
Be sensitive and teach the "star" to be
sensitive. Explain to the "star" (who has just hit three home runs while her brother is sitting on the bench) that sometimes we're not going to talk a lot about what she's done, and explain why so the parent knows the "star" player understands.
Applaud effort. Let children know how much they are admired for the fact that they keep on trying.
Praise off-field skills. As exciting as a soccer match may be, parents should try to make as much of a fuss over a dance performance or the completion of a school project.
Don't assign roles. It's important for parents not to assign roles/labels to their kids. Parents try hard to make each child feel special by making sure each has a different area in which they excel. They make one the athlete, the other the artist. But what can occur is a "bad dynamic." The artist feels she can never succeed as a ballplayer; the ballplayer not only feels he can never do art, because that's his sister's specialty, but he also feels undue pressure to perform as a ballplayer.
The Youngest Gets Overlooked
Situation:
"The youngest grows up with some big shoes to fill," says Smith. "The older children can do everything. They can run and jump before the youngest can even walk." In addition to feeling as if they can't possibly keep up, younger siblings sometimes feel as if no one even cares.
Parents often energetically thrust sports and other activities upon their first child. For many reasons, these same parents may not be as enthusiastic about encouraging their "later-borns" to participate. "What we're finding," says Smith, "is third-born kids looking back and wishing their parents had encouraged them so that they could have mastered a sport."
What to do:
Provide equal time. Parents should be aware of the tendency to pay less attention to the youngest. They should realize that the last-born may need a "push" to step into the world of his or her elder siblings. There is a difference between a "push" and a "forced shove." The best way to know the difference is to develop a relationship with your kids so they can tell you how they feel.
Resource: Sports Parents , May 1998.
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Prevent Bike Injuries
When children are learning to ride bikes, restrict cycling to sidewalks, paths and driveways. About age 9, teach children the rules of the road. Practice with your kids.
- Stop before riding out into traffic from a
driveway, sidewalk, alley or parking lot. Look left,
right and left again. When there's no traffic, enter the
roadway.
-
Ride on the right with the
traffic.
-
Obey stop signs and red lights. (Kids younger than
12 should walk, not ride bikes through busy intersections.)
-
Look back and yield to traffic coming from behind before turning left at intersections.
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Nutrition Buttons for April
- Try more healthful ways of preparing meats,
poultry and fish. Bake or broil rather than fry. Remove the skin from
poultry. Drain the fat.
-
Hot cereal is a nutritious breakfast that the family can make
together - oatmeal, grits or cream of wheat. Try using fruit such as
applesauce or peaches as a topping instead of sugar.
-
Balance is the key to choosing a lower fat diet. You don't have to
give up ALL high fat foods. It's the average intake over a few days, not
a single food or even a single meal that is important. Learn which foods
are high in fat and which are low in fat. Eat fewer high fat foods or
eat them less often.
-
Fats, oils and sweets often are hidden in foods. Check the number
of grams of fat on food labels. Look in you cupboards and compare
labels.
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Planning ahead saves time, effort and money. It helps increase
variety and balance in the diet. Plan meals for the week. Make a
shopping list before your go to the store. Consider store "specials" and
use food coupons in planning your list.
For more information on a variety of Consumer and family topics, contact your
local Colorado State University Extension office.
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Uploaded Tuesday, November 27, 2007
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Home Page: www.ext.colostate.edu.
Issued in furtherance of Extension work, Acts of May 8 and June
30, 1914, in cooperation with the U.S. Department of Agriculture, Milan
A. Rewerts, Director of Extension, Colorado State University,
Fort Collins, Colorado. Extension programs are available to
all without discrimination. No endorsement of products mentioned is intended
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