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Are there adults at your child's sporting events who seem to care more about winning or losing than the children do? Have you recognized the parents who belittle their child for making a mistake and "costing the team the game"? What about the father who is convinced the referee has it out for his child's team? More importantly, have you seen the children who are impacted by their parents' irrational behavior? Participating in children's sports is supposed to be a fun learning experience for the child. Here are some suggestions for appropriate adult behavior at sporting events.
Teach your children how to set reasonable goals based on their own past performance. For example, if your child was frustrated after missing the goal in soccer last week, talk with your child about what she would like to try differently in the next game. Young children may need you to provide choices for them but the final decision should be theirs. So if your child decides she would like to try passing the ball to a teammate, watch for their attempt to achieve this individual objective. Try to deter them from setting goals unrealistically, such as "I'm going to score 5 points this game!"
Encourage children to praise themselves. Self-praise is essential in the development of a positive self-concept. When children receive only compliments they learn to become dependent on others' approval. Instead of complimenting your child, encourage self-praise. For example, you may say, "You must be very proud of yourself," instead of, "I am proud of you." Allow children to give themselves a pat on the back and ask them to identify specific positive points about their experience. A child who is practicing self-praise may say, "I am happy I passed the ball to Nick, because he was closer to the goal."
Watch for opportunities to praise others. Children learn by imitating the adults around them. When children learn how to praise others it becomes easier for them to recognize strengths in themselves and others. Talk to the other children on the team. Model praise by pointing out specific examples to your child's teammates, "Megan, I could tell you were really concentrating on the ball when you were up to bat." The basis here is that you are focusing on her effort, not her success.
Praise your children during and after their games. They want to hear what you have to say. Paying attention to children, talking with them, and showing an interest in their efforts helps them feel worthwhile. Avoid criticizing the work of the referees or of the coaches. There are going to be times when children need to be substituted out or when referees make poor calls. Use these events as an opportunity to teach your child how to deal with life's challenges.
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