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Has your holiday season become two months of doing more,
spending more and eating more? Many families are seriously looking at
ways to make their celebrations less stressful and more meaningful. This
doesn't mean doing away with all family traditions. Family researchers
say having family traditions is important for several reasons:
- They convey meanings and reaffirm members (this is who we
are).
- They transmit family culture from one generation to the
next.
- They help to define roles and responsibilities.
But as families and their members grow, develop and change, it
is important to allow modifications in the preparations for, or the
carrying out of, traditions. Otherwise family traditions can become
"holiday hazards" - sources of stress and family friction that steal the
joy. This is especially true for individuals responsible for making it
all happen.
They may feel pressured by those who have become the guardians
of ritual and tradition. Or they may believe that everything has to be
done a certain way - even if it doesn't seem to be working or others
have lost interest because "this is the way we do it!" Perhaps they
just haven't taken the time to evaluate and map out a plan for making
some changes.
The first step is taking stock. Step back! Take a look at the big picture. Ask yourself the following questions. Write down your answers and be specific.
- What are the things about the holidays I find most stressful
or depressing?
- Can I modify any of the things I have listed? If so, how?
- Are there any things I can stop altogether? If so, which
ones? Remember: If it does not bring you pleasure or if it is not
meaningful for your family, it can be done away with.
- Are any of these things, or related tasks, items I can
delegate to someone else? Jot down the name of the person(s) to whom
something can be delegated, and when you will talk with that person
about taking on this responsibility.
- Are there ways my family can help to eliminate some of these
stress producers? Write your ideas down. Then, talk with your family
members about these things, perhaps at a family meeting.
- What are some of the things about the holidays I enjoy the
most?
- What can I do to make sure the things my family and I most
enjoy will be a part of our holiday celebration?
- What are some things family members or friends can do to
help me be sure these things are a part of our holiday celebration? Make plans to discuss these with them.
Other ways to avoid "holiday hazards"
- Vow to do things with your children or other family members
that you all like.
- Keep a family holiday calendar. Put it where everyone can use
it.
- Get all the competition out of your holiday activities.
- Do not take responsibility for everyone else's holiday
happiness.
- Introduce periods of quiet, alone time into this hectic time
of year.
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