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Parents and teens may have more in common than either ever dreamed. Though
they may not think much about it, both likely are experiencing major life
changes at the same time.
Living in today's world is challenging for both generations. Each may
be dealing with a sense of loss. As their responsibilities increase, teens
may feel they are forfeiting their childhood security. Parents may feel
a loss of parental control and "What if . . ." when reflecting on past
life decisions.
Precisely when a teenager is upset about a new blemish, mom or dad could
be facing employment changes or might be re-examining life goals. Maybe
a financial crisis is looming, an aged parent is ill or a marriage is
floundering. All the while, the family's teenagers are busy planning their
futures, anticipating new opportunities and experiencing new independence
- exciting, but also potentially frightening life-changes.
It's not uncommon for parents, ages 30 to 40 and older, to go through
unique changes, resulting in a need to rediscover themselves. When teenagers
are involved in the same type of self-discovery, families can expect tension
and conflict. Uncertainty, anxiety and anger may be a par for the course,
as both parents and teens question life's meaning, seek new self-identities,
worry about their abilities or their health or decide to change directions
in life.
Even though teens continue to seek independence, the University of Wisconsin
Extension Teen Assessment Project (TAP) found that young people still
depend upon their parents for emotional support and stability. Teens worry
about the parent-child relationship, almost as much as parents do. Results
from the TAP surveys found 33 percent of teens worried quite a bit or
a lot about their relationships with parents. Young teens worried about
getting along with their parents more than did older teens.
As parents and teens change, parents need to maintain a positive attitude,
if the relationship between them and their children is to grow. Open communication
between the generations can help the family cope with life changes and
new opportunities.
Consider what you like about your children, even when they show you their
most unlikable traits. Relationship trials are a natural phase in the
developing teenager and in a parent's own changing life.
Here are some tips for parenting an adolescent from B.H. Jokela, University
of Minnesota Extension Educator:
- Talk to your teen. Take time to listen and share things that are
stressful in your own life.
- Look for ways to encourage your teen's independence and decision-making.
- Look at change as natural and as an opportunity to experience personal
growth.
- Remember your own teenage fears. Try to understand the changes your
teen is going through.
- Don't lose touch emotionally with your teen. Stay interested in his
or her life. Spend time with your teen and encourage a close relationship.
- Be an encouraging role model. Let your teen see you begin new experiences,
cope with stresses, and solve problems.
- Maintain interests outside of being a parent. Let your family see
that you take time to have fun, pursue areas of personal interest and
model a healthy lifestyle.
- Keep your perspective and sense of humor! Remember things don't stay
the same forever - - time moves on!
For more information about this topic, contact Laurel Kubin at (970)
498-6000 or e-mail: kubinl@co.larimer.co.us
or contact your local Colorado State
University Extension office.
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Updated
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
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