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Do you need a "Chill Pill?"
It's another busy day. The kids are fussing, and they are not getting ready for school. You are afraid they will miss the school bus. You need to get to work on time but you can't find the car keys. Finally, you locate the keys, but you blow your stack and yell at the kids, as well as the person who turns left in front of you while you are driving to work.
You seem to be on a short fuse all the time. Can you find any way to get a handle this anger?
Anger is a normal human reaction. We all feel it. Anger can be a good thing. It can let us know that something is wrong, and it can give us the energy to fix the problem. Unfortunately, sometimes we misuse use our anger energy. If we don't handle anger well, we can damage our health and our relationships in the family and at work.
We tend to get angry faster when we are under stress. But stress alone usually won't make us blow up. Along with stress, it takes a trigger thought to tip over the pot. Trigger thoughts usually come in three categories:
Intentionality
You think the person is doing something just to make you mad. "I think my spouse hid the car keys just to make me late." or "The kids are dawdling just to drive me nuts."
Awfulizing
We exaggerate the behavior of another person or blame them for always -- or never -- doing what we wish. "She never puts the keys where they belong." " He always leaves such a mess!" or "The kids are never ready. Every single day I have to go through this. I am sick of it!"
Labeling
Using negative labels helps to fuel our anger. We probably think these more often than we would like to admit: "Lazy kids." "Stupid, ignorant drivers."
Try substituting different thoughts that cool you down instead of make you more angry. Tell yourself to "Take a chill pill! This is not worth getting upset over." or "If I calm down, l probably will find the keys faster." or "I'm going to stop yelling at the kids every morning."
It's up to you. You can choose to get mad or you can be glad. Use that anger energy to come up with a plan to fix the problem. Get a basket for the keys. Put the kids to bed earlier. Let them walk to school if they miss the bus. It isn't easy, but we can change the way we handle anger.
The Chill Drill - Take Control of Your Anger
- CHILL - As soon as you notice your anger triggers and signs, tell yourself to CHILL. That is your cue to pay attention to what is happening in your body and mind so you can begin to take control. CHILL also reminds you that you have choices about how to respond to anger.
- BLOW - When you are faced with a disturbing, tense or scary situation, your breathing changes: you may briefly hold your breath or your breathing may become rapid and shallow. CHILL is your cue to take a "balloon breath." When you blow up a balloon, you use strong, steady balloon breaths. Breathing deliberately helps you return to normal breathing.
- FACE - It's the look on your face that tells others how you really feel. Make a positive face. Try to smile. Your face's muscles signal your brain to start your body's natural calming abilities.
- SPACE - We all have a personal comfort zone. When you are angry, it's important to give yourself and others plenty of space. Maintain your comfort zone and take on a relaxed posture.
Information for this article is research-based and was obtained, in part, from colleagues in Extension. For more information about this topic, contact Carol Schultz, Colorado State University Extension agent in Larimer County, Colorado at (970) 498-6000 or e-mail at: schultcj@co.larimer.co.us
or contact your local
Colorado State University Extension office.
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Uploaded Tuesday, November 27, 2007
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